tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
smell my finger.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm having to shit out rocks
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