tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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