when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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