dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
