Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
