We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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