dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
