The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize