DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
