WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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