Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I lost the right to judge tonight
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
