what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
