Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
