she woke up with a sticky ear
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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