My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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