I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
