you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
