The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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