the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
