i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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