I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
