I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
