he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
