There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
should my penis look like a turkey
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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