why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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