The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize