like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
