What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
