Just fell off a train. Bad.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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