Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
