the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize