Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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