the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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