toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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