When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
