This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
