Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
