so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize