Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
