so that wasnt chicken after all
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
