a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
