There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize