Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
