Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
