I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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