Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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