note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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