is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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