She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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