So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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