If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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