I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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