next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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