I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
