i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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