She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
