Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
