batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
