Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize