Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
