The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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