three words: i give head
three words: not that well
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
