i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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