i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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