How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
