Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize