4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
