Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
