just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
