so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize