I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
