Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
