let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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