I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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