Dignity is for republicans.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
