Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
