What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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