hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
