you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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