I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize