Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
