i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
