I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
