Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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