can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
