I just saw a hot homeless man
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
