They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
