Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
