I just made out with a guy for $7.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
