i used baking grease as lip gloss
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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