If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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