The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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