I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
